$$ Don’t look directly at it
I recently finished reading “The Psychology of Money” by Morgan Housel and have started reading his 2nd book “The Art of Spending Money”. I had many ah ha moments that I needed to quickly dissect because most of my life I have had an avoidant relationship with money. I decided to start with my roots - Growing up our family did not discuss money, it was like a dirty word. However, even though we didn’t talk about it in a healthy way it remained a constant theme. I distinctly remember my Dad trading perfectly good items on our farm for similar items that were not working or of as high of quality or renting out our land/selling goods for far less than they should be just because the subject of negotiating was uncomfortable or he was being “nice” or “neighbourly”.
A distinct financial trauma that I carry around with me stems from being at the grocery store with my Mom when her card was declined, I was 17 and working at the time so I pulled out some cash to cover it - she would later call me when I was 19 and ask to borrow some money because her and Dad were in need that Month (this was never paid back) and my parents were constantly buying my brother out of some kind of trouble. They were “nice”, “give the shirt off your back” kind of people and nowhere near financially savvy. Many times throughout my life my card has been declined (which felt normal) when I was struggling or going through hard times - so to this day when I open my bank account or pay for something at a store I expect a “decline” or see an empty bank account that won’t allow me to cover my basic expenses. So I would just avoid looking … what you can’t see can’t hurt you …. in that moment, however bills don’t go away just because you avoid them, they are patient & will wait you out.
Ironically, in the later years of my parents life I learned that their farm was fully paid for - had I known what I know now I would have helped them plan before they were gone, held onto our farm and leveraged it as an investment opportunity for our family instead of agreeing with my siblings decision to sell it. Instead we sold the property, the new owners rent out the land for much more than we ever charged - our family homestead was burned to the ground and bulldozed back to a more nature. (Houses, Barns, Grandmothers house, sheds)
Struggling with money doesn’t have to be a norm, I lived in a world that looked more like survival instead of building wealth. But circumstance does not need to stay the same, much like other traumas - financial trauma can be addressed and can look very different … dare I say comfortable in the uncomfortable.
K